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Dear Lucille, Talksoon Aiden

from Talking Sporty by Times Neue Roman

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Dear Lucille,

Just got back Toronto. Sorry I missed you. Trip jumped a little bit mean and reckless, body full vodka, hole in my pocket. Weekend was nauseous. Grey Goose and nothing less for the young boys. I got bossy on Friday, 126 ave, I was tossing bottles on Broadway unlawful. unthoughtful In Harlem, right by Clinton’s office, “I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere!” like New Jack City Kerouackies, indy band gritty with Rap City addictions. In the outskirts, we recited poems and exerts from Dip-Set interviews like experts. We ended up on an uptown rooftop philosophizing over falafels listening to EJ whine about the all the awful squares in law school. Spilling beer droplets filled my waffle shirt like maple syrup, then he asked me if I was good and I answered, “Nope!” Of course 9-11 just went, so its Kanye vs Fifty. Somewhere in the madness, I freed my self of my cell phone which didn’t matter much but for Cindy from Ghana. Got her number on campus, Monday at breakfast and I hadn’t got to call yet, now I’ll have to find her on Facebook. She’s from Glendon.

Next night got off to a goonish start too as we drank at the Bitter End in the Village. Dylan played there. I met a stunning young starlet with a moleskine bulge in her back pocket. She was a girl named Tao with a Virgin Mary cowgirl tattoo like PJ Harvey. We spent the night on Mike’s floor and she kept kissing my shoulder and asking me to cum on her tummy. I swear this hangover excels my sense of nostalgia because I remember last night like it happened four years ago. Its weird to think, you know

this was somebody’s daughter before I got her
chopped her, screwed her, took her to Houston
metaphorically speaking
she was my girl for the weekend
went deep in – the entrails
French nails just cheapen the overall appearance
don’t you think, just my opinion

but here I am?

in the midst of this culture of ignorance idolized: “I don’t care about shit: Not the god you worship or my job at American Apparel.” That’s courage! Im Confident in my awkwardness. a Connoisseur of crud culture, ultra skinny jeans, art shows at clothing stores. Flash mob mass jingo. Mash French disco, gangster rap singles. Bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good. Wearing flags on our faces with no thoughts of cowboys, pirates, gang members or Zapatistas. Tired. Hiding in self-conscious irony. let loose. Refuge> A fearless refusal of anything serious.
You know what year it is,

While you whine and cry and blog and die with those same old lame cold feigned ideals. Its 2008, I’m keeping this shit surreal.

But look, what I wanted to tell you was I’m not such a bad guy. I mean I am pro-choice. I’m glad my mother didn’t have an abortion. but no one can make that decision for you. You shouldn’t a been afraid to tell me about that child inside of you… I would’ve supported her. My parents were separated before my birth and I turned out okay, right?

You see darling, I’m not the worst kind of asshole, I might wear my baseball cap indoors. I only wear my white tees once. stunner shades at night? Of course. But I would never drive a drop-top in the winter with the heat on. Shit. I don’t even litter.

So, my brain is soft and my stomach is rugged, but I’m still in such a great groove lately. I meditate often and nothing seems to bother me. I hope, although I’m confident that you’re doing well. Know you had a busy weekend, still wish we could have linked. By the way, Logan asked me to tell you that you’re sorely missed. I’m trying to get back to your city by December, so plan on seeing me then for sure.

Talk soon,

Aiden

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from Talking Sporty, track released July 6, 2010

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